Tim Hortons coffee sussed (not for Mormons)

Since I'm not a Mormon, I'm allowed to drink coffee. But, even if I was a Mormon, I'd still be allowed to drink Tim Hortons coffee, because I don't think you can really call it coffee. It's a coffee-flavoured beverage that a lot of people seem to like.

Fair enough. I don't like it because, to me, it doesn't taste like coffee. It doesn't taste like it came from a coffee bean. It tastes like it came from a jelly coffee bean that went through the processing plant just after they'd finished making the licorice jelly beans.

But I often hear people sounding somewhat mystified about how they can replicate the Tim Hortons coffee at home. It's not as simple as buying the Tim Horton's coffee; there's more to it.

There's deception involved, but I think I've got it sorted.

First of all, the deception. The deception is that you see them put coffee into the coffee machine when they prepare the coffee. You also seem them putting cream into your cup right before they serve the coffee into the cup. Your mind is set up to expect coffee that came from a bean, enhanced with the flavour of fresh cream (days old and pasteurized is the contemporary definition of fresh in dairy, I'm afraid). You know what this tastes like. But, that's not what you'll get, and this is an important ingredient of the mystery.

Now, the mystery will be solved. Because of the above, your mind is expecting to taste coffee prepared using real ground coffee prepared with the traditional drip method. When you taste the coffee, you can't reconcile the fact that they put real coffee into the machine with the way that it tastes. You believe that you must be able to replicate it at home. The problem is, Tim Hortons coffee tastes like instant coffee prepared with coffee whitener. Your mind is not set up to make the connection between Tim Hortons coffee and instant coffee with whitener because you saw them NOT use instant coffee and whitener.

And therein lies the mystery. Or, at least, that's the story so far.

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